Thankyou to all who were with me through this hard time. In person and in spirit, I appericite all of you.

I hope you enjoy looking at these fotos and remember all the good times we shared with Billy Jay is his short 23 years.(please read further)

My Baby Boy will be truly missed and remembered always with smiles and tears. So glad I had him in my life.

Here are a few poems I wrote for my boy.

MY MOST PRECIOUS GIFT

God gave me a gift one day.

I didn't get to see it for nine months yet I carried it around with my everyday.

When it was time to finally see what was inside it was the best present I could ever get.

His name was Billy Jay, all pure and sweet.

Just looking at him and touching him made me more happy than I ever thought I could be.

I fed him, bathed him and observed everything he did.

Watching him grow was such a joy.

Discovering everything in the world that God gave him. His first smile.

His first word.

His first steps.

So interested in everything around him.

He made me so happy and sometimes more angry than I ever imagined I could get.

As he grew he became so creative.

He drew.

He wrote stories.

He got into so much trouble.

He made me laugh.

He made me cry.

He made me so proud and he made me so embarrassed also.

Some things he said and did, I just couldn't imagine where he even thought of these things.

He could make me so angry and yet when he laughed or smiled the anger left.

His hug made me feel so good.

When he said, "I love you Mommy", was the best words I ever heard.

My gift did not come with instructions so I made many mistakes.

But he helped me get through all it and all in all I think I did pretty well.

There was no warranty with my gift.

So when he hurt I had to take care of all that too.

But one day God decided to take my gift back.

I didn't want to return it.

I wasn't time for him to go yet.

But he left.

Now there are no more hugs, no more laughter, no more hearing his voice.

All I can do now is remember what it was like when I had him for such a short time and thank God that I had any time at all.

Every day I had with my gift I treasure.

It hurts that hes gone but I am so thankful that I was chosen to receive the most precious gift of my life

Thank you God for giving him to me even if the time was too short.

Its the best gift I ever had and ever will have.

I am so grateful for every memory and every minute that I got to share with this most precious gift I feel truly blessed.

ALWAYS WITH ME

I was just thinking about life and death.

My son, He died before I thought it was his time

But then maybe it was his time

Who is to say?

I gave him life

At least thats what I was told

But really God gave him his life

God didn't take away his life

God gives a life and gives us choices

My son made his choices

He chose what he did

And God accepted his choices

God permitted my son to leave when he chose

I showed my son life as I thought was right

I gave him appreciation of all I knew

People

Nature

Art

Even though he made many wrong choices for his life

He respected these things

I was and always will be proud of him for this

He was my blood

I have no one to carry on my name

Or the things that I taught him

But his short years he did make me proud

The last time we talked he thanked me

For teaching him

I may not have someone to carry on my blood

But he left a mark in this world

The people that knew him will remember him always

So in a way he will always live

I am so thankful for him

And for what he gave to me in my life

Forever my son will live

I still hear his laugh

Feel his hugs

Sometimes in the night I hear him calling Mom

When I see the sun,

the rain,

and the rivers

I know he is there with me

And he will always be there

With me

This is a letter to Billy Jay from his grandmother:

Oh how I remember, when that phone call came to me, I was at the organ playing for a service on Father's Day, June 15, 1980. My heart jumped with joy, I had become a Grandmother to a bouncing baby boy. The first time I saw you in person was when we went to Georgia to visit....I don't think my feet touched the ground I was so proud as I stared into your beautiful face & big, eyes. Then I watched you grow up & saw you become so excited over new experiences, good & bad..... You had a mind of your own & did your own thing & I had to sit back & watch. I would have liked to take you in my arms & keep you from the nasty things of the world, but I couldn't do that, you had to experiment with new findings. Then Oct. 25, 2003 arrived & the Lord saw the trap you were in & couldn't get out of, so he prepared a place for you & sent one of his angels down to take you to that place.....Then, the funeral then the scattering of your ashes......Now the days are only lonely for me & everything I see reminds me of you, but you are painfree & walking the streets of glory. You are out of the trap you found yourself in & I can't wait for the day, when the Lord calls us all home, & I will see your ashes form together & out of the lake you will come together in your glorified body to join your family on that resurrection day.......Oh what a Glorious day that will be....... I love you Honey & miss you, but do look forward to that coming event......... A BIG HUG for you in the Spirit... Mammy